The Snipe Hunt
The sun was already up as Joe Cartwright strolled down the stairs from his bedroom at the Ponderosa. Tucking in his shirt and brushing the sleep from his eyes, he climbed down toward the main part of the house. Joe knew he was late for breakfast but the extra sleep had seemed more important than breakfast, at least at the time. Now, however, the smell of coffee and bacon made his mouth water. Joe walked a little faster, and slid into his seat at the dining room table.
“Morning,” Joe mumbled at no one in particular as he reached for the coffee pot. However, the other two people sitting at the table acknowledged his greeting in a manner that left Joe in no doubt that they were aware he was late.
“Good morning, Joseph,” said Ben Cartwright in a tone which said it was NOT a good morning.
“Nice of you to join us,” Adam Cartwright added in a wry voice.
“Sorry I’m late,” Joe replied contritely as he sipped his coffee. “I overslept.”
“And could there be a reason why you overslept?” asked Ben, his voice still stern. “Maybe it was because you didn’t get home until after midnight.”
“I’m sorry, Pa,” Joe repeated, his voice even more contrite. “I just lost track of time last night.” Joe reached for the platter of bacon and eggs on the table. There were only two strips of bacon and a small bit of scrambled eggs left. “I see Hoss has eaten,” Joe commented ironically as he emptied the contests of the platter onto his plate. “Where is he?”
“He’s in the barn getting your horses ready,” Ben answered, his voice still reflecting his unhappiness with his youngest son. “He wanted to get out to the north pasture and get started on fixing that windmill before the day was half gone.”
“Oh, yeah, the windmill,” said Joe, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. “I forgot.” He started to eat quickly. “I’ll get going as soon as I finish eating.”
“And when you’re finished with that, I want you and Hoss to take another count of the calves out there,” Ben continued in a voice that brooked no argument. “Adam and I are going to finish the branding schedule today.”
“Yes sir,” Joe agreed obediently, as he continued to eat.
“I hope you didn’t lose all your money playing poker last night,” Adam remarked as he sipped his coffee. “It’s two weeks until payday, and I’m not loaning you any money.”
“It wasn’t like that, Adam,” protested Joe. “I ran into Charlie Parker and his brother at the Silver Dollar. Frank was telling us stories about all the things he did at college, and I just lost track of time.”
“Frank Parker’s home?” Ben asked with a frown. “I thought he had a job with a mining company in Denver.”
“He does, Pa,” Joe answered. “He’s just home for a week or so. He doesn’t have to be in Denver until the end of the month, so he thought he’d visit his family before he started his new job.”
“How did he like college?” asked Adam curiously. “I saw some of his letters, and he didn’t say much about how he was getting along with the other students.”
“He had kind of a hard time at first,” Joe replied. “He said the fellows there treated him like some kind of country bumpkin. But after awhile, he started to fit in and he really had a good time.”
Adam nodded. “I remember that. Same thing happened to me. If they find out you are from the West, they think you’re a hayseed. How did he get them to accept him?”
“Well, you know Frank,” said Joe with a grin. “He loves playing jokes on people. He played a couple of jokes on the fellows there, and pretty soon they were laughing at each other, and not him.”
Adam smiled. “I guess that’s one way of handling it,” he agreed.
Joe started to chuckle. “He pulled some really crazy stunts. He even got three of the fellows in the house where he was living to go on a snipe hunt.”
“He didn’t!” Adam exclaimed with a laugh. “I didn’t think anyone fell for that one anymore.”
“A snipe hunt?” asked Ben. “What’s that?”
“It’s an old trick,” Adam explained. “Usually, the older students get the new ones to do it. They tell them that there’s a rare animal called a snipe running around, and a big reward if they catch one. They have to go out hunting for it at night. The new guys spend the night hunting in the woods with a sack and a lantern, usually making some strange sounds that they’ve been told attract the snipes.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a snipe,” Ben said with a frown.
“That’s because there is no such thing,” replied Joe with a laugh. “It’s all a big joke.”
“When the hunters come back in the morning, there’s usually a whole crowd of people waiting for them,” Adam added with a chuckle. “By then, the new fellows have figured out it was a trick. They’re usually pretty sheepish, and the older guys really have a good laugh at their expense.”
“Frank said he heard about it from one of his professors,” said Joe, still grinning. “He thought it was the funniest thing he ever heard. He couldn’t wait to try it. When the three fellows got back in the morning, Frank had the whole house waiting for them. After that, Frank said he was treated as just one of the guys.”
“I can’t believe he actually got three of them to go on a snipe hunt,” Adam observed, shaking his head and smiling.
“Well, you know Frank,” said Joe. “He can be a pretty smooth talker.”
“This is all very educational,” Ben interrupted. “But it’s not getting that windmill fixed.” He looked at Adam. “Or the branding schedule done.”
Hastily, Joe finished the food on his plate and gulped down the last of his coffee. “I’m on my way, Pa,” he said, wiping his face quickly with a napkin. Joe stood and hurried to the front door. He grabbed his hat, jacket and gunbelt from the peg by the door, then rushed out of the house.
After finishing his coffee, Ben also rose from the table. “Well, Adam?” he asked. “Are you ready to start on those schedules?”
Sighing, Adam threw his napkin on the table. “Yeah, I’m ready,” he agreed reluctantly. He watched as Ben walked from the dining room toward his desk in the study. “Maybe we ought to start raising snipe,” Adam muttered to himself.
**********
“Little brother, do you mind if I give you some advice?” Hoss said as he rode with his brother toward the north pasture.
Oh no, Joe thought. When Hoss used that tone of voice, he was going into his “big brother” mode. “Could I stop you?” answered Joe with a sigh.
”Joe, you got to learn to be more responsible,” Hoss continued in a condescending tone. “You have to stop running around at night, and get to work on time.”
“Oh, like you, I suppose,” Joe snorted.
“Well, yes,” acknowledged Hoss. “Pa knows he can count on me not to do anything foolish. He knows I’m reliable.”
“Oh, and I suppose you’ve never done anything foolish in your life?” Joe said in a skeptical voice.
“Well, maybe when I was just a youngster, I did a few silly things,” Hoss admitted. “But I’ve grown out of that stage. Now Pa knows I’m the steady and level-headed one in the family,” he finished in a superior tone.
“Yeah, right,” Joe replied wryly. “You’re just a rock. We all should look to you as a model of behavior.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” said Hoss modestly. “But it wouldn’t hurt you to be more like me.”
As an idea began to form in his head, Joe got a gleam in his eye. “You’re right, Hoss,” Joe agreed, suddenly very conciliatory . “I should try to be more like you.”
“You should,” Hoss acknowledged again, nodding his head. “Pa would think a lot better of you if you did. He knows what kind of a son I am.”
“Don’t worry, Hoss,” said Joe, trying hard to keep a grin off his face. “I’m going to make sure Pa knows exactly what kind of a son you are.”
**********
Joe and Hoss finished the repairs on the windmill by noon. Joe had said little as he worked. He was too busy creating a plan in his mind, going over the details and refining them as he schemed.
When the windmill was finally running, Hoss suggested they have something to eat before checking on the calves. Hop Sing had filled a saddle bag with sandwiches and apples, and Hoss was eager to fill his growling stomach. Joe enthusiastically agreed.
The two brothers sat under a shade tree, relaxing as they ate. Hoss had three sandwiches stacked in front of him. “Nice of you to save me something,” grumbled Joe as he looked at the one sandwich in his hand.
“I’m a full-grown man,” Hoss explained. “I need a big meal to keep me going.”
“You’re full grown, all right,” agreed Joe. “We’ve got steers smaller than you!”
Shaking his head in amazement, Joe watched as Hoss quickly down his sandwiches. Joe ate his sandwich almost as rapidly, afraid Hoss would want his lunch also. Both were biting into crisp apples as they lingered in the shade. Joe glanced sideways at Hoss. His face twitched a bit as he decided now was the time to put his plan into action.
“Hey Hoss, know what I heard in town?” Joe said as casually as possible as he bit into his apple. “Frank Parker said he thought he saw some snipe up by Pinetree Canyon the other night?”
“Snipe?” Hoss replied with a frown. “What’s a snipe?”
“You don’t know what a snipe is?” asked Joe in surprise.
“I wouldn’t be asking if I did,” Hoss answered in a reasonable voice.
“They’re a very rare animal,” Joe explained. “Hardly ever seen. Frank was telling us that back East, they’re paying $1,000 to anyone who can catch one.”
“A $1,000 for one animal!” exclaimed Hoss. “Oh, Joe, you’re joshing me.”
“No, I swear it’s true,” Joe told his brother earnestly. “Snipe are so rare that all the menageries are trying to get some so they can show them. Maybe even breed them.”
“Really?” said Hoss with astonishment. He looked at Joe with a puzzled expression. “What do they look like?”
Joe frowned. “Well, I’ve never actually seen one,” he admitted. “But I hear they’re a small, furry animal about so big.” Joe spread his hands about a foot apart. “Kind of a cross between a raccoon and a prairie dog.”
“How come I ain’t never heard of them?” Hoss asked.
“I don’t know,” Joe replied shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe because they haven’t been seen around here before.”
“A $1,000,” mused Hoss. “That’s a lot of money.”
“It sure is,” Joe agreed in a nonchalant voice as he threw his apple core away. “And the man who caught one would probably be famous. Probably get his picture in the paper. Maybe even get invited to meet the president.”
“Meet the president?” Hoss said in surprise.
“Sure,” Joe confirmed. “Everyone would want to meet the man who actually caught a snipe.”
“If it’s such a big deal, how come everyone’s not out looking for them?” asked Hoss.
“I told Frank to keep quiet about it,” Joe replied. “I didn’t want word to get around. Why, there’d be people all over the Ponderosa. It would make the California Gold Rush look like a picnic.”
For a minute, Hoss sat thinking quietly. “Joe,” he asked at last, “how do they go about catching those snipe?”
Joe grinned, then quickly put a serious look on his face. “I don’t know exactly,” he answered, scratching his head. “Frank says you can only hunt them at night. You have to attract them by making a calling sound like they make, then quickly scoop them into a sack.”
“A calling noise?” Hoss asked curiously. “What kind of calling noise?”
“Well, I think it sounds something like this,” said Joe. “Cooo-eeee” he added in a high-pitched, trilling voice.
“Cooo-eeee.” Hoss tried to imitate his brother.
“No, a little higher than that,” Joe admonished his brother. “You have to make your voice really shrill.”
“Cooo-eeee.” Hoss tried it again. His voice was shrill.
“That’s it!” Joe said, enthusiastically. He turned his head so Hoss couldn’t see the grin on his face. He couldn’t keep a straight face any longer.
“Cooo-eeee,” Hoss cried again, trying out the snipe call.
“You really got it,” said Joe, turning back to Hoss. His lips twitched as he desperately tried to keep from laughing. “Say, Hoss,” he added. “You’re not thinking about going snipe hunting, are you?”
“Well, I was considering it,” Hoss admitted. “I mean, a thousand dollars is a lot of money. And it would be real important for people to be able to see a snipe.”
“Oh, sure,” Joe agreed in an earnest voice. “You’d be making an important contribution to the world.” Joe rubbed his chin. “Tell you what. Why don’t you go tonight? I’ll help you sneak out of the house, and make sure you have everything you need.”
“Sneak out?” said Hoss in surprise. “Why would I do that? I’ll just tell Pa where I’m going.”
“No, no, you can’t do that,” Joe answered quickly. “You can’t tell Pa or Adam or anyone.”
“Why not?” asked Hoss.
“Because, uh, because you want to surprise everyone, don’t you?” Joe explained, thinking rapidly. “If you tell everyone, they’ll all be out there hunting, too. All those people would scare the snipe away.”
“Yeah, I guess they would,” admitted Hoss. “But I feel funny about not telling Pa.”
“Hoss, think about how proud Pa will be when you bring a snipe home,” said Joe earnestly. “Wouldn’t it be great to surprise him?”
Hoss thought a moment, then smiled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he agreed. He turned to Joe. “Don’t you want to come with me?”
“Oh, I do,” said Joe. “But I don’t want to steal your thunder.” He put his hand on Hoss’ arm. “This will be your triumph, brother. I want you to be known as the man who went on the snipe hunt in Nevada.”
“Gee, thanks, Joe,” replied Hoss gratefully. “You’re some brother.”
“Oh, Hoss, you just don’t know what kind of brother I am,” Joe said truthfully. He turned his head away, and rolled his eyes to the sky. His body was twitching with concealed laughter. “You just don’t know.”
**********
Joe and Hoss talked about the snipe hunt off and on during the rest of the day as they counted the calves. Joe embellished his story whenever he could, adding new details about how the snipe lived in the thick brush, and how they were attracted to the bright light of a lantern at night. Hoss listened earnestly, and nodded in understanding at each new piece of information. Joe even had Hoss practice his “snipe call” several times. By the end of the day, he could hardly keep from bursting out laughing.
The sun was starting to lower in the sky when Joe and Hoss finally finished the calf count and headed toward home. “Now remember,” Joe reminded his brother. “Don’t tell anyone about going snipe hunting tonight.”
“I won’t,” promised Hoss. “You sure you want to sneak out tonight and help me gather all my gear? It’s going to be pretty late before I start out.”
“Hoss, I wouldn’t miss it,” Joe said solemnly.
“Joe, you’re the best little brother a man ever had,” observed Hoss.
“Aw,” Joe replied modestly. “I’m just trying to be more like you. You know, sensible and down to earth.”
Hoss nodded his understanding. Then he grinned. “I can’t wait to see the look on Pa and Adam’s faces tomorrow at breakfast.”
“I can’t wait either,” said Joe with a grin.
**********
Hoss and Joe said little at dinner that night. Hoss gave the calf count when the pair returned to the house and briefly assured Ben that the windmill was now in working order. Over dinner, he answered his father’s questions about the herd in the north pasture with a distracted air, and several times, he had to ask Ben to repeat a question. Joe ate silently, not trusting himself to join in the conversation without giving something away. He watched his brother carefully, his lips twitching in silent laughter every time he thought of Hoss’ going out hunting later that night.
During the meal, Hoss glanced at Joe from time to time and occasionally gave his little brother a wink and grin. Joe nodded his head in encouragement.
“What’s going on with you two?” Ben finally asked in exasperation.
“What do you mean, Pa?” Joe replied in an innocent voice.
“He means you two are acting even stranger than usual,” remarked Adam as he ate his dinner. “What are you two cooking up?”
“Why, nothing,” said Hoss, his voice as innocent as Joe’s. “What would we be cooking up?”
“I don’t know,” Adam admitted. “But whenever you two start acting like this, it usually means trouble.”
“That’s not fair, Adam,” said Joe in a hurt voice.
“It may not be fair, but it’s true,” Adam replied dryly.
“Well, whatever you two are planning, I want you both up on time tomorrow,” ordered Ben sternly. “We’re going to start branding in the morning, and we won’t have time for any foolishness.”
“You don’t have to worry about that,” promised Joe. “In fact, I think I’ll probably be up early tomorrow.”
“Yeah, me too,” added Hoss. “In fact, I’ll probably have a surprise at breakfast.”
“Surprise? What surprise?” asked Adam suspiciously.
“Nothing, Adam,” Joe answered quickly. “Hoss just means you’re going to be surprised at how early he is going to be up tomorrow.”
“Yeah, that’s what I mean,” agreed Hoss a bit lamely.
Adam looked back and forth between his two brothers, then he shook his head and sighed. “On second thought, I don’t think I want to know,” he said. “I’m probably better off if I don’t know what you two are planning.”
After quickly wiped his mouth with his napkin, Joe stood. “Pa, I think I’m going to head on up to bed,” he announced. “I want to get plenty of sleep for tomorrow.”
Ben froze, his coffee cup halfway to his mouth. “You’re going to bed early?” he asked in amazement. “Are you feeling all right?”
“I’m fine, Pa,” Joe assured him. He looked across the table at Hoss. “Don’t you think going to bed early is a good idea, Hoss?” he asked pointedly.
“What? Oh, yeah,” Hoss agreed as he hastily finished eating. He wiped his hands on his napkin, and then stood. “I think I’ll hit the sack, too.”
Both Ben and Adam watched in stunned silence as Joe and Hoss left the table and headed immediately up the stairs to their rooms. “What do you think is going on?” Ben finally asked.
“I don’t know, Pa,” answered Adam. “But whatever it is, I think we’re all going to regret it.”
***********
The clock by the door was striking midnight as Hoss crept silently down the stairs. He was fully dressed and carried an unlit lantern in his hand. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stood for a moment, listening. Satisfied that the house was quiet, Hoss walked slowly across the room to the door. He opened the front door slowly, and winced as the door made a small squeak. Hoss stopped and looked around the room again. Then he quickly slipped out of the house.
Walking rapidly, Hoss crossed the yard to the barn. The night seemed unusually quiet. Even the crickets seemed to be asleep. Hoss wondered if Joe had forgotten his promise to help, and was still asleep. He shrugged unconcerned as he opened the barn door. If Joe was still in bed, Hoss would manage on his own.
As soon as he was inside the barn, Hoss lit the lantern. He held it high, trying to brighten the dark structure.
“Hoss?” A voice suddenly came out of the darkness to Hoss’ right. “Where you been?”
Hoss jumped. “Who’s there?” he whispered loudly.
Immediately Joe emerged from the dark shadows of the back of the barn. “It’s just me.”
“Doggone it, Joe,” Hoss complained. “You near scared ten years off me.”
“Sorry,” apologized Joe. “Where have you been?” he asked again. “It’s after midnight.”
“I had to wait until I was sure Pa and Adam were asleep,” Hoss explained.
“Oh,” said Joe, his voice full of disbelief. “I thought that was snoring I heard when I passed your room. I guess it was just some sick animal.”
Hoss glared at his brother. “Joe…” he started.
“I’ve got your horse all saddled,” Joe interrupted quickly. “I see you remembered a lantern.”
“Yep,” said Hoss enthusiastically. “And I’m going to grab one of those grain sacks to take with me.”
“Good, good,” Joe encouraged his brother, his lips starting to twitch again. “Now, you remember the snipe call, don’t you?”
“Sure,” replied Hoss. “Coo…” Joe quickly put his hand over his brother’s mouth.
“Shhhh!” Joe said urgently. “You want to wake everyone up?”
“Sorry,” apologized Hoss as Joe removed his hand. Hoss walked to the stall and led his horse out. He grabbed an empty grain sack from a stack on the top of a barrel, then tucked the sack under the back of his saddle. He hooked the lantern over the horn of his saddle. Joe watched with a smile.
“Joe, I can’t thank you enough for telling me about this,” Hoss said earnestly, putting his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I’m going to pay you back, I promise.”
“I’m sure you will,” agreed Joe with a grin.
“I tell you what,” Hoss continued. “Once I get that $1,000, I’m going to give you some of it.”
“You don’t have to do that,” replied Joe.
“Yes, I do,” insisted Hoss. “Once I get that money, I’m going to give you $50.”
“$50!” Joe exclaimed. “Why you cheap…” Joe stopped himself quickly. “Gee, thanks, Hoss. That makes me feel even better about what I’m doing.”
“I knew it would,” said Hoss with a superior smile. He mounted his horse. “I’d better get going.”
Giving a quick nod, Joe pushed the barn door open. Hoss gave him a wave, then chucked his horse forward. Joe stood by the door and watched until he was sure Hoss was too far away to hear him. Then Joe started to giggle. His giggle quickly turned into a full laugh. Tears began streaming down his face as he roared with laughter, As Hoss rode off into the darkness, he didn’t see Joe leaning against the barn, weak with laugher.
**********
Hoss spent the rest of the night in Pinetree Canyon. He dismounted and tied his horse to a tree at the entrance of the canyon, then started into the underbrush cautiously. Holding the brightly shining lantern in one hand and the sack in the other, Hoss began to hunt earnestly for snipe. From time to time, he would stop and yell out a shrill “cooeee”, then wait for some response.
As the night wore on, Hoss’ enthusiasm for the hunt began to fade. He was getting tired, and he hadn’t seen anything resembling the animal Joe had described. He had flushed out a fox, and sent some frightened squirrels scurrying into the night. He had even heard an owl respond to his call. But Hoss couldn’t seem to find any trace of the elusive snipe. As he tramped through the underbrush, he could feel the branches scratching at his arms. Bits of dirt and twigs began clinging to his shirt and pants as he crawled deeper into the brush. Hoss gave out a few more snipe calls in an unenthusiastic voice. He wasn’t surprised when all he heard in reply was a few crickets.
As the dawn began to break, an uncomfortable idea began to form in Hoss’ head. He quickly dismissed his suspicion, blaming his lack of success on just bad hunting luck. But as the sky began to lighten, Hoss started to wonder more and more about Joe’s instructions on how to hunt snipe.
Finally, Hoss decided to call off the hunt. The sun was beginning to rise over the horizon, and he knew he needed to get home in time for breakfast. His father had made it very clear at dinner last night that he expected ALL his sons to be on time and ready for work today. Hoss blew out the lantern as he returned to his patiently waiting horse. He stuck the sack under the saddle again, and hooked the unlit lantern over the saddle horn. Then he mounted and headed for home.
Hoss was about halfway to the ranch house when he saw the three riders. He recognized them as Ponderosa hands, and wondered what they were doing riding out so early. He hailed the men, who rode slowly over to Hoss.
“Morning, Hoss,” one of the men said with a sleepy smile.
“Morning, Vince,” answered Hoss. “What are you fellows doing out here so early?”
“Oh, Joe asked us to ride out here before we went over to start on the branding,” explained Sam, another of the hands.
“Joe was up this early?” Hoss said in surprise.
“Well, actually, he came by the bunkhouse last night and asked us,” admitted Vince. “He said some crazy fellow had been spotted up by Pinetree Canyon, and he wanted us to make sure we chased the fellow off.”
“Some crazy fellow?” Hoss replied cautiously.
“Yeah, he’s been running around at night up there,” explained Sam. “Got a lantern and a sack, and making all kind of crazy sounds.”
Hoss shifted uncomfortably on his horse. He quickly reached down to push the sack further under the saddle. “What else did Joe tell you?” he asked.
“Joe said the guy thinks there’s some animal called a snipe out there,” answered Billy, the third rider. Billy laughed. “A snipe. Can you believe that? Whoever heard of a snipe!” The other two hands laughed also, and Hoss nervously joined in with his own laugh. Then, suddenly, Hoss frowned as realization hit him.
“What’s wrong, Hoss?” asked Vince with concern.
“Nothing, Vince,” Hoss answered quickly. “Look, I just got back from Pinetree Canyon and there’s no one there. You fellows can go on and head to the north pasture.”
“Fine with us,” Sam replied, turning his horse. “It’ll save us a long ride.”
“You be sure and tell Joe we came out,” said Billy, as he turned his horse also.
“Don’t worry,” promised Hoss, an angry look on his face. “I’m going to have a real long talk with my little brother.”
***********
Ben was surprised to see Joe already at the breakfast table when he came down the stairs. He was even more surprised to see Hoss’ chair was empty; usually Hoss was the first one down in the morning. Ben looked at Joe and then the empty chair as he approached the table. He turned Adam, who was also sitting at the table and gave his oldest son a questioning look. Adam just shrugged his shoulders.
“Morning, Pa,” Joe said with a smile as Ben slid into his chair.
“Good morning, Joseph,” answered Ben. “It’s nice to see you up early for a change.” He glanced at the empty chair. “Where’s Hoss?”
Joe grinned. “I think he got up early,” he said in a gleeful voice. “I think he had something to do.”
Ben frowned as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “Hoss knows we’re starting the branding today. What could he be doing that is so important?”
Before Joe could answer, the front door opened and Hoss walked in. He removed his hat and gun, and laid them on the table next to the door. Then he walked slowly to the dining room.
Still sipping coffee from his cup, Ben looked at Hoss in surprise. Hoss’ face showed his fatigue. Twigs and small leaves still clung his to clothes. A few light scratches were visible on his forearms.
“Morning, Pa,” said Hoss as he sat down at the table. He turned to Adam. “Good morning, Adam,” he added. Hoss looked at Joe and glared. Then he pointedly ignored his little brother, reaching for the coffee pot. Joe merely grinned at his brother’s snub.
“Hoss, where have you been?” asked Ben.
“Just out,” Hoss answered shortly as he poured himself a cup of coffee.
“Hoss, why don’t you tell Pa and Adam what you been doing?” suggested Joe with a chuckle. Hoss glared at his brother and ignored him.
“What’s going on?” asked Adam with a frown.
“Big brother has been out hunting,” Joe explained as he continued to chortle.
“Joseph,” warned Hoss.
Joe ignored his brother’s implied threat. “He was out all night,” he continued. “Looking for snipe.” Joe couldn’t hold it in any longer. He burst out into laughter, his shrill twitter filling the room.
“He’s been doing what?” said Ben, his lips beginning to twitch with laughter also.
“Joseph, one more word out of you and I’m going to bash you,” Hoss threatened his brother.
But Joe continued to ignore Hoss. “He went on a snipe hunt,” he said in a voice so weak with laugher that he could hardly talk. Adam and Ben looked at each other. Then both joined Joe in laughter.
“It ain’t funny,” stated Hoss with a frown.
“Oh, yes, it is,” Adam said, as he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. He took a look at Hoss and started laughing again.
“You should have seen him,” Joe told his father and oldest brother as he continued to laugh. “Riding out in the middle of the night with a lantern and sack.” Ben and Adam started to laugh harder as both started to picture Hoss in their mind.
“Why don’t you show Pa and Adam how you do a snipe call?” suggested Joe as he leaned back in his chair, holding his sides. “How’s it go? Coooeeee!” That started Joe on a whole new round of laughter. Ben and Adam joined in.
“That does it!” announced Hoss in an angry voice. He pushed himself up and stood at the table. “Little brother, I’m going to throw you clear to the barn.”
“Oh, I’m scared,” replied Joe, raising his eyebrows, clearly unafraid.
Ben put his hand on Hoss’ arm. “Hoss, sit down,” he said as he tried unsuccessfully to put on a straight face. “Joe’s just having a little fun.”
“A little fun,” replied Hoss disgustedly as he sat back down. “He had me tramping through the woods all night. I even crawled through a sticker bush looking for those snipe.” Hoss’ statement sent the other three men into new gales of laughter.
“Hop Sing, bring me some breakfast,” Hoss yelled, trying to ignore the hoots of laughter around him.
Quickly, Hop Sing padded in from the kitchen. He was carrying a plate covered with a napkin. He put the plate in front of Hoss, then took a step back. Hoss pulled the napkin off the plate, then stared down in puzzlement.
“Hop Sing, there’s nothing here,” stated Hoss. The plate before him was empty.
“I know,” Hop Sing replied with a grin. “Little Joe tell Hop Sing about Mr. Hoss’ hunt. He tell Hop Sing how you look for pretend animal. So Hop Sing cook pretend animal over pretend fire to make pretend meal.”
Hop Sing’s statement was the last straw for everyone. Joe went into uncontrollable laughter, falling off the chair as he held his sides. Ben and Adam both howled. Hoss frowned angrily at his father and brother, then pushed himself away from the table. He stood and walked angrily out of the room.
“All right, all right, that’s enough,” Ben said as he wiped his eyes. Joe picked himself up off the floor and sat back at the table while Adam continued to chuckle. “We’ve had a good laugh at Hoss’ expense. But we have to get started on that branding.”
“Right, Pa,” agreed Joe with a grin. “Maybe we can let Hoss brand all the snipe.”
“You’d better be careful that he doesn’t brand you!” Adam warned with a grin.
“He’ll get over it,” Joe replied with a shake of his head and a chuckle. “He always does.”
****************
Despite his apparent unconcern, Joe made it a point to stay clear of Hoss all day. The word of Hoss’ snipe hunt spread among the hands, and the men had a good laugh as they discussed it. But no one dared say anything to Hoss. One look at the dark frown on Hoss’ face every time someone started to say something quickly discouraged any kidding.
But Joe wasn’t so easily discouraged. He couldn’t resist riding by his brother a few times as Hoss was branding the calves, and letting out a yell of “cooeee!” He also was quick to ride away as Hoss looked up and brandished the hot iron in his hand menacingly.
By noon, the work of chasing calves and branding them was fully occupying everyone’s attention. It was hot, dusty, and hard work. When Hop Sing arrived with the noon meal in a wagon, everyone was more than ready to take a break.
Hop Sing made sure Hoss had a full plate and extra biscuits to make up for his missing breakfast. Hoss nodded his thanks to the cook then strolled over to a small strand of trees where Ben and Adam were eating. “Where’s Joe?” Hoss asked as he sat wearily on the ground under a tree.
“He thought it might be safer to eat elsewhere,” replied Adam with a grin.
“He probably thought right,” said Hoss frowning.
“Hoss, you’re not really mad at him, are you?” asked Ben with concern. The last thing wanted was his sons fighting among themselves.
Hoss thought a minute, then gave his father a wry grin. “I guess not,” he admitted. “I let myself be talked into that snipe hunt. I should know by now not to listen to that little brother of mine when he starts making big plans.”
“Good,” said Ben, nodding in satisfaction.
“But don’t tell Joe that,” Hoss added. “He deserves to be a little nervous for awhile.”
“He probably deserves a little more than that,” noted Ben. “I think I can come up with a few unpleasant chores for him to do.”
“You don’t have to do that,” replied Hoss. “I’ll think of my own way to get back at him.”
“I don’t want you two going at each other,” Ben cautioned with a frown. “These things have a way of getting out of hand.”
“They won’t, Pa,” Hoss promised. “But, you have to agree, Joe deserves to be taught a lesson.”
“That might not be so easy,” said Adam. “He’s going to be on his guard for a while.”
“I know, Adam,” Hoss agreed with a sigh. “I’ll just have to think of something he don’t expect.”
**********
Ben, Adam and Hoss were already at the dinner table when Joe came downstairs that evening. He had lingered in his room when they had returned home at the end of the day, unwilling to face Hoss’ anger for longer than he had to. He also wondered what Hoss was planning to do to retaliate. Joe was sure Hoss was not going to let his joke go unanswered.
Trying to appear unconcerned Joe walked slowly to the dinner table. He stopped abruptly as he started to sit down on his chair. He gently shook the chair, making sure it was sturdy, then felt the seat for any foreign objects. Satisfied that the chair was not sabotaged, Joe finally sat down.
Cautiously, Joe picked up his glass of water, and smelled the contents, then sipped the water carefully. After placing the glass back on the table, Joe turned his plate over and inspected it. He also shook out his napkin to the side, watching for something that might have been wrapped in it.
Hoss watched Joe’s antics with a smile. He had spent most of the afternoon trying to figure out how to repay his younger brother for sending him on a snipe hunt. So far, he hadn’t come up with any good ideas. Most of the things he thought of were impractical or too complicated. Now as he watched Joe, Hoss thought of the perfect payback. He would do nothing. At least, he would do nothing for awhile, he amended to himself.
“Joseph, are you going to eat or simply play with your place setting?” Ben asked in exasperation as he watched Joe inspecting his knife.
“Sorry, Pa,” said Joe, hastily replacing the knife. He looked directly at Hoss. “I just wanted to be sure no one had left any surprises for me.” Hoss simply smiled back at his brother.
“You know, if you two spent as much time and energy thinking about running this ranch as you do about playing jokes on each other, we’d all be better off,” Ben continued sternly.
“Why, Pa, I ain’t done nothing,” said Hoss in an innocent tone. “I would never do anything to Joe. I wouldn’t harm even one of those hairs on his head that he’s so proud of.”
Joe eyed his brother suspiciously. “Why are you being so forgiving?” he asked with a frown.
“I told you, Joe,” Hoss said reasonably. “I’m the reliable one in this family. I don’t go around playing jokes.”
“Yeah, well, if that’s true, it’s the first I’ve heard of it,” muttered Joe as he reached for a platter of chicken on the table. Joe stabbed a chicken breast with his fork and transferred it to his plate. He put the platter back, and picked up the breast. He hesitated before biting into the meat, turning the chicken over and inspecting in carefully.
“Joseph, eat your dinner!” roared Ben.
“Yes sir,” Joe said and quickly bit into the chicken. He was relieved to find it tasted just as good as it looked.
“I want both of you to listen to me,” ordered Ben. “I’m not about to have the work on his ranch interrupted by your shenanigans. We have branding to finish and strays to round up, and those fences on west range need repair. You two concentrate on your work, you understand. No more tricks.”
“Yes sir,” agreed Hoss. Joe nodded, but as he did, he glanced suspiciously at Hoss.
As he watched and listened, Adam shook his head. “Pa, why couldn’t I have been an only child?” he complained
*****************
For the next three days, Hoss did nothing to Joe – and it drove Joe crazy. Every time he started to mount his horse, Joe checked the girth. He cautiously sipped the water out of his canteen. He checked under his saddle regularly, looking for burrs. He even flung the covers off his bed when he went to his room at night.
Hoss watched with glee as Joe nervously checked everything he touched for some sort of sabotage. He laughed to himself as Joe watched his brother suspiciously every time Hoss got near him. Hoss began to find reasons to casually stroll by Joe as Joe was working, causing his younger brother to break out into a sweat. Hoss decided that this was the best revenge he could have devised.
By dinner on the third day, Joe was a nervous wreck. He knew Hoss was planning something; he just couldn’t figure out what. Hoss, for his part, just smiled serenely every time he got near Joe, knowing it was making his younger brother even more nervous.
“Joseph,” Ben said sternly to his youngest son at the table.
“Yeah, Pa?” answered Joe with a distracted air. He was checking the top of the salt shaker before seasoning his food.
“Joseph, will you pay attention to me?” Ben repeated in exasperation.
“Yeah, sure, Pa,” replied Joe, nervously setting the salt on the table. He knocked the shaker over, spilling salt all over the table. As Joe quickly set the shaker upright, Hoss grinned.
“Joseph, you have been walking around here for days like you’re waiting for a stick of dynamite to explode,” said Ben. “Now, this has got to stop. You’re not only driving yourself crazy, you are driving the rest of us crazy.”
“I’m sorry, Pa,” Joe apologized. He glared at Hoss. “It’s just that some people around here are making me a little edgy.” Once more, Hoss simply smiled at his brother.
“Well, I have had enough of this,” stated Ben. “Tomorrow, I want you to ride up to Needlenose Canyon and check for strays. Bill Fletcher said he saw some of our cattle up that way. You know how narrow that canyon is and how many twists it has. If some of our cattle wandered in there, they might never find their way out.”
“Needlenose Canyon!” Joe exclaimed with dismay. “I’ll have to spend most of the day climbing around those rocks, looking for strays.”
“Yes, you will,” agreed Ben. “Do you have any objections?”
“No, no,” Joe said hastily. “I’ll go right after breakfast.”
“Would you like me to go with you, Joe?” Hoss offered innocently.
Joe frowned. “Why?” he asked.
“No reason,” Hoss replied. “Just thought you’d like the company.”
Joe’s eyes narrowed. “What are you planning?”
“Nothing,” answered Hoss. “Absolutely nothing.”
“Joseph, would you please stop being so suspicious of your brother,” Ben said angrily. “Now I want you to ride to Needlenose Canyon tomorrow and look for those strays.”
“Yes sir,” Joe agreed contritely. He looked again at Hoss and frowned.
Once again, Hoss just smiled.
********************
Adam was in the barn fixing some harness when Hoss walked in the next morning. Hoss looked around, noting the stall where Joe’s pinto usually stood was empty. “Joe gone already?” he asked.
Adam nodded as he continued to work. “Yeah, he left about an hour ago,” he said. He looked up at Hoss. “When are you going to let him off the hook?”
“What do you mean, Adam?” Hoss asked innocently.
“Don’t give me that innocent look,” replied Adam. “You should have seen Joe. He was as edgy as a mouse being stalked by a cat. He checked his horse and his gear twice before he left, and then he lit out of here like he was on fire. How much longer are you going to wait before you get back at him?”
“Fact of the matter is, Adam, I can’t think of something to do to get even,” Hoss admitted. “I’ve been chewing on it for days now, but nothing comes to mind.”
“You mean, Joe thinks you’ve been plotting all this time, and in reality, you can’t think of anything?” said Adam with a laugh.
“Yeah,” Hoss confirmed, chuckling with his brother. “Funny, ain’t it.”
“Poor Joe,” said Adam as he continued to laugh. “He’s never going to get to relax.”
“Well, I’ll think of something soon,” Hoss promised.
“You’d better,” Adam replied. “Otherwise our baby brother is going to have a nervous breakdown!”
******************
Joe rode slowly through the canyon, looking for the strays. It was the first time in three days that he felt relaxed. Hoss was nowhere around, and he knew his horse and gear were all in one piece. For today at least, Joe thought, he didn’t have to worry about Hoss’ revenge.
As he rode, Joe guided his horse carefully. Needlenose Canyon got it’s name because it was so narrow at it’s start that there barely was enough room for a horse to get through. The canyon widened after a few hundred yards, but it was still very narrow. The sides of the gorge were steep and tall, with the lip of the canyon a good six feet over a rider’s head. The ground was dotted with rocks that had slid down its slick side. Joe rode past a few trees which grew intermittently in the canyon, carefully avoiding the small stream which flowed along the edge of the floor of the chasm. The canyon ran straight for awhile, then began to twist and turn as it neared the mountains.
Slowly, Joe rode through the canyon until it began to corkscrew into the mountains. He pulled his horse to a stop as he neared the first turn. Experience had taught him that it would take less time to check the canyon by following the small path that ran along its side on foot than to ride through the twists and turns at the floor of the canyon. He would be able to see into the many draws from the path and wouldn’t have to follow the trail at the bottom all day until he reached the end of the canyon.
Dismounting, Joe tied his horse to a bush, glancing up as he heard the rumble of thunder. The sky above him was darkening, and he could see black clouds ahead up in the mountains. “Looks like we’re going to get a little wet, Chooch,” Joe said to his pinto as he patted the horse on the neck. Joe slipped off his jacket and tucked it under the back of his saddle. The day was hot and muggy, the air thick as a result of the gathering storm. Joe figured he was probably going to get wet as he walked through the canyon. It would be nice to have a dry jacket to put on when he got back to his horse. Joe rubbed his horse affectionately on the nose. “You wait here for me,” he told the pinto. “I’ll be back in an hour or so.” Joe walked around the back of the horse and began climbing the narrow path up the side of the canyon.
It was a half an hour later when Hoss rode into the canyon. He had decided to follow Joe, giving his brother reason to be more nervous than ever when he showed up. He chuckled to himself as he thought of what Joe’s reaction would be when his little brother saw him. Hoss really didn’t have anything specific in mind, but Joe wouldn’t know that.
As he reached the end of the straight trail in the canyon, Hoss saw Joe’s horse tied to the bush. He looked around, but there was no sign of Joe. Hoss sighed. He had timed it wrong. Joe was probably still climbing up the path through the canyon, checking the draws. Riding up to Joe’s horse, Hoss took another look around, but the canyon floor was empty. Suddenly, Hoss had a idea. Reaching down, he quickly untied the rein’s of Joe’s horse from the bush. Chucking softly, he turned his own horse, and began leading Joe’s mount away with him. The pinto, familiar with the smell of the man and horse that were leading him, following placidly.
Hoss began to smile as he rode out of the canyon. Poor Joe, he thought with a grin, he’s going to have to walk home. Hoss figured it would take Joe about three hours to walk back to the house, and he’d be tired and sore when he got there. Serves him right, Hoss said to himself as he thought of the long, tiring night he had spent on his snipe hunt. Hoss heard the rumble of the thunder and looked up at the sky. Joe’s going to be tired, sore AND wet, Hoss thought, correcting himself. That was even better. He laughed as he rode slowly out of the canyon.
****************
Joe followed the path along the side of the canyon, peering into the draws below as he walked. He didn’t see any cattle. In fact, he didn’t see anything. It was as if all the animals which normally dotted the landscape had suddenly disappeared. Joe glanced up at the sky again as he heard another, deeper rumble of thunder. He looked toward the mountains ahead, and frowned. The face of the mountain was clouded by a dark mist, and Joe could tell it was raining hard up ahead. He decided he had better head back. The storm up ahead looked like a bad one, and it was heading his way.
Quickly, Joe turned and started walking back down the narrow path. The path was steep, and he couldn’t move very fast. But he hurried as much as he could, wanting to get started home before the storm got too bad.
When he reached the end of the path, Joe stopped and a stunned looked came over his face. His horse was gone! Joe looked around, trying to see if Cochise had pulled away from the bush and was grazing elsewhere. He thought he had tied the reins tight, but maybe the thunder has startled his horse. Joe walked quickly to the bush where he had tied the reins. He frowned as he inspected the bush. It didn’t look like any branches were broken or pulled out. Joe called out and whistled, hoping to attract his horse. He stood watching and listening for a minute, but there was no response.
Looking up at the darkening sky, Joe tried to decide what to do. He didn’t want to leave his horse wandering in the canyon but he also didn’t want to get caught in the storm. He decided to follow the twisting trail into the canyon a bit, hoping Cochise hadn’t wandered too far.
Walking rapidly down the trail into the canyon, Joe called and whistled. The air around him seemed unusually still. Not even a bird chirped in response. Joe walked until he heard another clap of thunder, and felt a few sprinkles of rain. Then he turned to walk back out of the canyon.
The few sprinkles of rain turned quickly into a downpour, and Joe was soaked by the time he returned back to the mouth of the twisting trail. He again checked the bush where he had left his horse again. Looking down, Joe suddenly spotted a second set of tracks near the shrub. Joe bent and peered at the rapidly disappearing hoofprints. He didn’t need much of a look. He’d recognize the prints of Chub, Hoss’ horse, at a glance.
Joe stood with a wry smile on his face. Hoss finally got his revenge, Joe thought. In a way, he was relieved. He was getting tired of waiting to see what his older brother was going to do to him. Now he knew. He had a long walk home in the pouring rain. Joe shrugged. It could have been worse.
Walking at a rapid pace, Joe started down the narrow trail. The rain was now falling harder than ever, and the ground was turning muddy and wet. Joe couldn’t remember the last time it had rained this hard. He noticed the steam was becoming swollen, and puddles were forming as the rain came down too hard and fast for the ground to absorb. Joe started walking faster. He had a bad feeling about this storm, and didn’t want to be trapped in the canyon.
Joe heard the roar before he saw the water coming out of the canyon. He knew almost at once what caused the noise. The heavy rain had started a flash flood.
Even as he began running, Joe knew there was no way to outrun the rushing torrent behind him. He glanced at the sides of the canyon as he ran, but they were too steep for him to climb. He spotted a tree growing near the side of the canyon. Joe knew it wasn’t much of a chance, but it was the only one he had. He ran toward the tree, and jumped to grab a low hanging branch just the wall of water came roaring out of the canyon.
*****************
Laughing to himself, Hoss led Joe’s horse toward the ranch house. He could just picture the look on Joe’s face when he climbed back from the canyon and found his horse gone. He almost wished he had stayed around to watch.
Feeling the splatter of the rain, Hoss looked up at the sky. Away from the canyon, the storm didn’t look too bad. Hoss glanced over his shoulder toward the mountains, then frowned. The clouds near the mountain looked black and angry; the storm was much worse there. Hoss shifted uneasily in his saddle. He wondered how bad the storm really was up near the canyon. Then he shook his head. Joe would be fine, he reassured himself. He’d be tired, and sore and wet when he got home, but he’d be fine.
Hoss rode on, but he was no longer laughing. He had an uneasy feeling about leaving Joe on foot in that canyon, especially during a rain storm. He knew there was no way out of that canyon except through the very narrow entrance. Hoss thought briefly about going back for Joe, then dismissed the idea. The whole point of the joke would be lost if he went back.
“Hey, Hoss!” a voice called, breaking into the big man’s thoughts. Hoss looked up and saw Vince, one of the hands, riding toward him. Hoss pulled his horse to a stop.
“Hoss, have you been up near the mountains?” Vince asked as he rode up.
“I was in Needlenose Canyon,” replied Hoss with a frown. “Why?”
“Sam just came in from the west,” Vince explained. “He said the creek there is over-running its banks. He figures it must be raining real hard up in the mountains. I figured I’d better ride up that way and see how bad it really is.”
Hoss’ frown deepened. “It wasn’t raining when I was up in the canyon,” said Hoss slowly. “But the sky did look pretty bad.”
“If the creek to the west is flooding, it must be coming down real hard up there,” Vince replied. “Might even be some flash floods.” Vince suddenly noticed the pinto. “How come you’re leading Joe’s horse?”
His uneasy feeling growing, Hoss shifted in the saddle again. “It’s a long story,” he said. Hoss thought a minute. He could ride faster if he wasn’t leading another horse. Hoss threw the reins of the pinto at Vince. “Look, you take Joe’s horse back to the barn. I’m going back up to Needlenose and look for him. If you see Adam or Pa, tell them Joe’s up by the canyon and he’s on foot. I’m going to see if I can find him.”
“What’s he doing on foot?” asked Vince, as he wrapped the reins to Joe’s horse around his hand.
“I haven’t got time to explain,” Hoss answered. His feeling of dread was growing. Hoss turned his horse and kicked the animal into a run.
***************
Joe grabbed the limb and pulled himself up into the tree just as the torrent of water roared by. He let out a sigh of relief. That was too close, he thought. He turned to look back toward the mountains, and saw that the water was continuing to flow. Bushes, small tree limbs, and other debris were carried along by the flood. Joe turned back to hug the trunk of the tree. He could feel the tree shuddering as it was buffeted by both the current of the water and the debris.
Clinging to the tree, Joe tried to picture the flood as it continued down the canyon, and he didn’t like the picture that formed in his mind. As the water flowed toward the narrow mouth of the canyon, the water would start backing up. There simply was no place for it to go except through the narrow opening and only a small stream would be able to escape. He glanced up at the sky, and saw the rain was continuing to come down hard. The black clouds hung over the canyon and the mountains like a curtain. The storm showed no sign of letting up.
Joe heard a thud and felt the tree shudder. He looked down and saw the water below him seemed to be getting even deeper. Joe hugged the trunk tighter and prayed that the roots of the tree were deep.
Looking up, Joe saw another branch over his head. It looked thick enough to hold him, and close enough to reach. He decided climbing a bit higher on the tree was probably a good idea. Moving cautiously, he pulled himself up so he was standing on the first limb. He grabbed the branch over his head with one hand, making sure he had a solid grip. Then he moved his other hand to the limb. He grasped the branch tightly, then slowly pulled himself up.
Joe’s muscles stretched as he pulled himself up until the branch met his chest. He threw himself over the branch, then grabbed at the trunk of the tree. The limb wasn’t as thick as the one below, and it bent a bit under Joe’s weight. For a minute, Joe thought it might break, but the branch held. Joe pulled his legs up, and then slid his hands up the trunk. With one more pull, he found himself sitting on the branch.
After hugging the tree tightly for a minute, Joe twisted his body so he could look around. He could see the top of the canyon; his head was only a few feet below it. But the lip was a good ten feet or more from the tree. Joe knew there was no way he could jump from the tree to the top of the canyon. He looked up at the branches above him, and saw they were thinner than the one on which he was perched. He doubted if they would hold his weight. For better or worse, he was stuck on the second branch.
Looking down, Joe could see the water below him was getting deeper. It looked no more than a few feet below the first branch. He looked back into the canyon, and saw a river of water was continuing to cascade down from the mountains. Joe knew he was in trouble. Even if the stormed stopped right then, the water would continue to get deeper. He looked up at the sky. Rain pelted him in the face. The storm showed no sign of letting up.
“Help!” Joe yelled at the top of his lungs. He knew it was probably a futile gesture. There was no one around to hear him. And even if someone was nearby, he doubted if they could hear him over the roar of the water. But Joe figured he didn’t have much else to do. So he hugged the trunk of the tree and yelled.
************